Category Archives: TINDY-ISMS (Various Musings by Moi)
Ever wandered what thoughts go through my head..? Well welcome to the world of Tindy C, where I muse about all those ‘important’ things in life!
Now I’m not that old, but I do run the risk of sounding rather ancient here! In recent years I have noticed that people slightly younger than myself (in their twenties) do not wear matching socks! A black and red Minnie Mouse sock may be casually worn with a pink sock, with blue dots on it…and this is quite normal!
I first noticed one of my friends wearing a Superman sock with a delicate lilac one adorned with cute little pink and white hearts a few months ago, and when I commented upon this, she actually apologized to me and explained that in her haste that morning, she was rushing around and just grabbed the first two socks she laid her hands on!
My sister was also questioned, she told that me that she just can’t be bothered to find a matching pair – especially since our washing machine at home appears to have a healthy appetite for socks and only one sock of a pair is often returned! [Maybe there’s an alleyway leading from our washing machine to the ‘Sexy & Single Socks Party’, where these socks go to meet other like-minded foot attire and pair off with those of different sizes, colours and designs!]
Anyway, I tried not to let my imagination get carried away with me; and despite yet another friend telling me her different socks were due to her being in a rush, I decided that I’d seen more than enough of this – and it must just be a new fashion and these people were trying to make out that they were just really trendy by ‘accident’! Maybe the truth of the matter was that I just was just way behind the cool fashion trends!
So what did I do? You guessed it – I tried deliberately wearing odd socks in an attempt to re-vamp my image. So as not to split any romantic couples up, I decided to go with two lone socks (whose partners had run off to a more exciting life at the ‘Sexy and Single Socks Party’). I even spoke to them as I put them on, something along the lines of “…so how do you like being so trendy and fashionable”. I’d actually coupled a purple sock, with a stripy pink and green one.
Did I transform myself into that super cool, hip and happenin’ chick? Did I heck! I just could not do it- It felt sooo wrong, and just not proper. I was at home that morning, just doing a few errands before leaving for the gym later that day. I must have worn my ‘trendy’ pair for about an hour. I just kept thinking about the fact they weren’t matching, and it just did not feel right. It made me feel guilty, something was just not right, it felt as unnatural, uncomfortable and wrong as….laughing when a friend tells you her darling cat fluffy has just died or telling your partner how amazing your ex was in bed! You catch my drift right?
Well being as anal as I am- I had to remove my socks and place them at the bottom of my sock drawer after 60 minutes – I can most certainly say that they’ll never be worn again, unless of course their partners get bored of their new life and miraculously return to their partners!
A few weeks later, having forgotten all about the ‘odd socks’ day – I was spending some time with my mother, I only happened to glance down at her socks, which indeed were……….. not matching!! (She’s a fashion designer….I rest my case!)
Following my recent weight loss and completion of my transformation into the sex goddess I now am, I have seriously been dreaming of that gold bikini, (to make the most of my re-acquaintance with my long lost belly button!), and despite not having anywhere to wear this dream outfit (as yet)…I have started searching the net for it!
Such searches have revealed images of the sexy costume worn by Princess Leia – namely a gold bikini which actress Carrie Fischer provocatively sported in Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi, as slave to Jabba the Hutt. It’s quite an iconic moment in the Galaxy as the beautiful princess is taken to the harem of Jabba the Hutt. I guess all the ‘hoo-ha’ could be explained by the fact she is clad in a skimpy dancer’s outfit and kept on a short leash (…you can just imagine the fantasies!)
Maybe I was slightly young when this movie came out to fully appreciate the significance of this moment. I did however begin to ponder…..Jabba the Hutt just looked all too familiar to me…uncomfortably familiar…and I began to wonder who he reminded me of. A few days later it came to me….shock, horror, gasp! Jabba the Hut reminds me of what I used to look like before the weight loss (yes, I’m afraid there were numerous chins, and rolls and rolls of fat!!!)
Then whilst re-watching an episode Friends, I was quite amused to see the one titled “The One with the Princess Leia Fantasy.” In one particular scene, Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) asks if her boyfriend, Ross (David Schwimmer), has any imaginative fetishes. After much prying, Ross admits that Princess Leia as Jabba’s prisoner top’s his list.
Now this is freaky…I don’t believe in coincidences. It all started with my search for gold bikinis on the net which led to images of Princess Leia, I then realized that I used to resemble Jabba the Hutt, and I do find Ross to be the most fanciable character in Friends! I truly believe this series of events is telling me to wear this very attire – the Galaxy conspired and placed this idea firmly into my head! So all I have to say, is c’mon mates….when is the next fancy dress party…? I know who I’m coming as!
‘NOW DEAR, MAKE SURE YOUR WEARING MATCHING UNDERWEAR, IN CASE YOU GET HIT BY A BUS’!!!
So your mum tells you that you should always be wearing matching underwear incase you get hit by a bus…and you just casually disregard that comment, thinking its never going to happen….is it?
Growing up, I never really took this too seriously, but now when I think about it, in a weird kinda way my mum really did have my back! Mothers out there really do have their daughters’ best interests at heart. Following an unfortunate encounter with a bus, you would be most likely to come across an ‘eligible, young, smart’ DR who earns mega-bucks, to attend to you. So – you would want to make a good first impression, wouldn’t you?
Well I can say that I am a person who had a very unfortunate encounter with a vehicle, which resulted in my hospitalization. The most important question to ask is……was I wearing matching underwear that day…..?
And could I remember for the life of me? No ‘sir-ree’ I could not! I guess there were more pressing issues to consider at the time!
But a few years on, when I finally came round to sorting through the clinical disposable bag containing the blood-sodden clothes I was wearing on that day……. I was horrified and dismayed to learn that my underwear (which was indeed matching) was shredded!! The paramedics, in their haste to save my life, had cut not only through my rather snazzy suit, but also my expensive matching underwear!
What can I say? Well at least I was wearing perfectly matching panties and a bra…whether or not any Drs noticted!!
I am so enthralled, thrilled, excited, full of positive energy and overjoyed to finally meet my long lost buddy….. Fred. He is just so damn…well… sexy!
When I say it’s been years – I’m not joking! Fred was probably last around where he was supposed to be when I was into ‘Barbie’ dolls – so my childhood years, up until I was into Bros – in my teens. I guess I didn’t pay him that much attention over the years and we just kinda drifted apart throughout my secondary school years, College, University and subsequentlyLawSchool. He just retaliated by moving further down south, and it even came to a point where he was no longer on my x-mas card list!
It’s only since I lost the six stones that I had been carrying around with me for the best part of a decade that I began to reminisce about my dear friend Fred, and began to make my dreams a reality….
So who is this mysterious Fred I hear you ask? He is none other than my long-lost belly button! Following a recent abdominoplasty, I am overjoyed to be re-acquainted with him!
I have not seen him in his proper and rightful place in years! Although I’m all bandaged up at the moment, I am still very aware of his sexy presence (and have even caught a sneak preview of him during a change of dressing!). He allows me to feel like this sensual being, sitting there on my tum (as opposed to being hidden down south somewhere amongst all that sagging redundant skin caused by massive the weight loss).
Oh how the mind wanders…..I have great dreams in mind for Fred and myself….namely a gold bikini which we will wear with pride, beautiful saree’s and maybe if Fred is a good boy- I may even allow him to get his nose pierced!
Now I am extremely confident that Fred and I will lead a very happy, blissful life together, full of ….. the most amazing wardrobe!
I’m sitting here a week following surgery writing this wearing compression stockings (as I am not yet that mobile) with toothpaste on those pimples that refuge to budge, and with my ‘Sponge Bob Square Pants’ blanket on my legs….and if the thought of Fred can enable me to feel so sexy and powerful……well need I say more?
(Why Fred I hear you ask?…..Well it’s a darn sight sexier than the name Barney!)
By Tindy C